I’m back! Last week was about being at peace and I’m going to be the honest single person and say I really have never been at “peace” about being single. It’s a constant struggle I have. So I opted out but I’m back again because I like this weeks topic. I have seen a TON of debates on this topic in and out of Christian circles, Catholic circles and even secular circles.
So this week we are asking, “Is it possible for a woman to pursue a man?” A lot of older people say NO and that the man should ALWAYS pursue the woman. If you like someone you should wait around and wait for him to ask you out, find your phone number, etc. I think this is CRAZY. A lot of guys are slow and just not that pro-active and let’s be honest some are just oblivious to our “signals.” I don’t think there is anything wrong with giving a guy your phone number, inviting him to an event, or just pretending we are still in middle school and asking him, “Do you like me?” I think some guys just need this push.
In my online dating adventures I’ve known women that sign up for online dating and don’t do anything and wait for guys to message them and make the first move. In online dating this is kind of crazy. There are SOOOOO many people on these sites. Guys may never find your profile. I say if you see someone that sparks your interest send them a short message or heck send them an emoticon. It’s not going to kill you or them. The worst that happens is they don’t answer. Now if they don’t answer don’t keep messaging them and sending them emoticons. But you can at least say you tried and made an attempt at getting to know someone.
I feel like some of these people who say, “women can’t pursue men” are people stuck in the wrong century/decade. It’s just INSANE. In a society where women are doctors, CEOs, Actresses, Lawyers, and even homemakers. Women can literally do anything men can do (just about)! Why not pursue men as well?
I know some people reading this post probably think I’m crazy and this should never become the norm but it’s just what I think. I do know a ton of women that have told me they pursued their husbands and now they’ve been married for 10+ years. So it has worked for some people. I think hearing these stories has changed my thinking of how courtship and dating works. There probably was a time where I never would have thought this way and watched way too many old school movies but I think in this day and age it could work either way.
You make a good point. Just like there are a lot of teenagers around who shape their view of relationships using romantic Hollywood movies, there are a lot of teenagers and young adults who shape it around Jane Austen models and ideals from the fifties (or forties or thirties). Both approaches pass over the fact that we are living in the reality of here and now.
Ciska recently posted…NAS: Can a woman pursue a man?
Thanks! I agree! I think TV and movies and books sometimes make it hard for us to decide what view to use to approach life!
Can’t say I completely agree with you on all of this, but then again, I’ve never done online dating. It’s definitely a different atmosphere so a lot of those face-to-face rules need not apply.
BUT I think my hesitation on full-out pursing a man “in real life” (not to imply that online dating is invalid or not real, just a way to distinguish) is that I very much desire for my husband to be the leader of our relationship, our family, our faith life. Not that I won’t fully participate, but I really want him to be an active leader in that way. In being the main pursuer in the relationship, I think sometimes that sets a precedent for the rest of the relationship. Not always, but this is what I’ve seen happen over and over to my friends and family. I have no problem initiating contact and giving nudges along the way to get things moving, but when it comes to the big things (asking me out, etc), I think it’s important for the guy to be the one to do it.
Thanks for participating 🙂
Morgan recently posted…Not Alone Series: Can/Should a Woman Pursue a Man?
Yeah honestly I can see it going both ways. I really don’t think this is a one answer fits all situation I think every person and every situation is going to yield different results.
I love your spirit, Beth Anne! It *can* work with the right guy, but soemtimes you can’t always tell if he is. I remember reading an interview with Katherine Heigel (Izzie on Grey’s Anatomy), once, and she described how she pursued her now husband (I think they’re still together). She was clear she was into him and what she wanted (something serious), and he really responded. One bold move I may consider doing is after getting to know some guy through groups or rides home or something is to say “So, I’ve been enjoying getting to know you. Here’s my number. Do with that information what you will.” *touch of arm, change of tone in voice.* “Bye.” What do y’all think?
Britt @ proverbialgirlfriend recently posted…NAS: Can a Woman Pursue a Man?
Yes… I agree with you here! I just commented on your post about this. Being forward if the guy you are interested in is not getting the subtle hints you have already left.
So, in due time… the big and bold actions might have to be taken. 🙂
Jen @ Jumping in Puddles recently posted…NAS: Can a Woman Pursue a Man?
haha… wow. You tell us, Beth Anne! 🙂
But, what I feel you are describing is not necessarily pursuing. It is really just being forward and letting the guy know that you are interested, which I feel can be appropriate. But, once the guy knows that you are interested, it’s in HIS court to pursue you.
Yes, women today can do many, many things that men can, but our hearts are still very different. Like I said in my post, a man’s heart wants to pursue and chase and fight… and a woman’s heart wants to be sought after. In our world today, this is very difficult for men to do b/c women don’t give them a chance. The more they are knocked down, the less they want to try… which makes us feel like WE have to do the work.
We have to hold them to it! We have to let them know that this is what our heart wants!
Well, these are my thoughts. 🙂
Jen @ Jumping in Puddles recently posted…NAS: Can a Woman Pursue a Man?
Well maybe my lack of dating expertise has me confused as to what it even means for a man to pursue woman. Oh well. I like everyones thoughts on the topics. I also haven’t actually done any of these actual tasks so I can’t say they actually work they are just my thoughts.
In online dating I can definitely see your point here because you are paying money to “meet” people so therefore it would be a waste of money to just do nothing, but I think that’s just putting yourself out there and hoping the guy takes notice.
Nikki recently posted…Not Alone Series: In Pursuit of Men