Oh this world we live in full of social media things pop up in our newsfeed…and sometimes it’s awesome, sometimes it’s sad, and sometimes it STINGS. Engagements are usually the later. Heck sometimes it’s people I haven’t even talked to in YEARS…or EVER…but yet it still STINGS…just the pure reminder that they have found their one true love and will be headed to the church and your still single…and still alone…and still waiting for your one true love. (Was that a cliche enough sentence? I think I have been watching too many Disney movies)
I had the worst of all stings last May. My sister got engaged…and I honestly didn’t take it very well. I found out she was going to get engaged on a cruise…that his parents also invited themselves on…and I was angry that they got to be there and my mom and I were left out. I cried for a week about being left out of it…really looking back it sounds ridiculous but it’s how I felt.
All these engagements that pop up just make me feel more and more left-out of peoples lives. You see the more people that get engaged and married the more friends I seem to lose. They say it’s not healthy to only have your husband as a friend and you need married friends, and unmarried friends…but in my life I don’t have any of that…and I don’t see any of that happening. All I see is people getting married and then never seeing that person ever again. And I guess I’ll never understand why married people don’t attend events. You still need to socialize and learn about things even after marriage.
In the end everything has turned out okay for my sisters wedding. We’re in the homestretch and less than 2 months away now and have avoided many bridezilla moments. I know way more about wedding planning that I think my wedding will be super simple and easy to plan and I finally get to be a in a wedding as a bridesmaid (well maid of honor) that i’ve wanted to happen since I was about 10.
I guess a lot of things I will never understand until I am one day engaged and married..but until then all I can do is pray for my engaged friends, guide them to not become bridezillas (I feel like an expert wedding planner now), and pray for my future husband.
See you next week…our topic is Chastity: A Choice!
Beth Anne, you are not alone! (How corny is it that I said that?) I have thought the same exact thing: one day the most-recently-engaged couple of the group is engaged, coming to stuff and then BAM tow months after the honeymoon you realize they haven’t showed up. They didn’t buy a house, switch jobs or anything. I am so curious as to what changes after that day if the basic routine hasn’t. Hmmph. But I use these experiences (and the most recent one of a bride checking out of what I would think would be sanity-saver events) to figure out what way I want to live when it’s my turn (we’re still going to things we enjoyed while dating; and when planning a wedding, doing a non-related thing each month). I’m glad your experience with your sister has improved. Mine got married when I was still a teen, but now that I’m an adult, she’s grateful to have me and a good relationship with me, because marriage is challenging, and she’ll need someone. But it might take a while for that honeymoon glow to wear off. In the meantime, just pray!
Britt recently posted…NAS: Emotions on Engagements
Yes I have def. used this time to realize what I don’t want to do when I do get married/have kids. And I think I really want to get in a place where I could be a mentor to singles.
I totally get you on the “sting”, even if it’s a grade school friend! Regardless of who it is, any reminder of the lie that you’re “behind” is hard to handle. Prayer, my friend!
I’m sorry that you’ve experienced your married friends fall off the face of the earth…I can’t say that I have too much experience with that. However, one of my closest couple-friends have been married for nearly 2 years and have a 7 month old son and I noticed that I hadn’t seen them in awhile. So, I invited myself over 🙂 we got to talking about how we hadn’t seen each other in months, and I realized that I had started to assume that they’d wanted to be with their little family unit while that wasn’t the case, they just were having a hard time figuring out where they fit into social scenes. So I had been going along thinking that they either were too busy or just didn’t want to hang out, but really it was that they were trying to navigate this new chapter of their lives! My advice is to try to be as understanding as possible, and continue to invite them, even if it seems annoying…and if you bring it up to them, try to be as kind as possible. It’s likely that one (or both) feels lonely or isolated from their “old life” and doesn’t know if they’d be welcomed back into their old circles.
Sorry for the novel, I keep meaning to write a post about this, maybe I should just do it already! 🙂
Morgan recently posted…Not Alone Series: “guess who’s engaged?!”
Like Joan said we probably could have a weeks worth of posts on this topic. I think half my problem is I only moved here 2 years ago and so far everyone I have met are just acquaintances. I’ve met mostly single people and they will talk about these couples that used to hang out with them/go to events but they got married and never go anymore. I’ve just really found it hard to meet people here and so I just struggle with it in general.
Joan @ Everything is Yours says
Hi Beth Anne!
I’m sorry to hear how your sister’s engagement went down, that doesn’t sound like it was a very good situation! 🙁
And I like how you mention the Bridezilla thing because that is something that can make this sting deeper, I think! Something I struggle with too is when these engagements become so focused on every single little detail, but when you ask the bride or groom, “Which readings are you going to have read at your wedding?” they have no idea and don’t care! Everything seems to be about the reception and the perfect Pinterest table decorations that the actual Mass, the actual Sacrament is being thrown to the wayside! End rant lol, but seriously this is such a good topic that I feel like we could dedicate multiple weeks of posts to 🙂
Joan @ Everything is Yours recently posted…NAS: “Guess Who’s Engaged?!”
Natalie G. @ "Here I Am" says
Thank you for sharing your very genuine struggles, burdens, and hurts. There is nothing wrong with feeling them. It is ok to feel like you lose a friend as they gain the wing and to feel left out of your sisters engagement. I pray that you draw nearer to the Lord during these hard feelings and that He comforts your weary heart.
Natalie G. @ “Here I Am” recently posted…NAS: “Guess who’s engaged!?”
I loved this topic this week because I feel like we are all experiencing the same things, especially with facebook. I also notice that engaged friends seem to drop off the face of the earth. It is sad! Good luck with your sisters wedding!
Maggie recently posted…NAS: Engagements
I serve at an evening Daily Mass a couple times a month and this is the Mass that the Marriage Prep class uses as their “graduation” Mass. I’ve gotten the distinct pleasure to run into a few primary school friends that I haven’t seen in forever with their husbands-to-be (fun). A guy who I knew from confirmation who was the “non-committal” type was even there with his wife-to-be. Smile and wish them well. I’m lucky I still see a few of my married friends although there are a few who drop off the face of the planet.
Nikki recently posted…Not Alone Series: Guess Who’s Engaged
For the record, I still get het up and bothered when I feel like family members are leaving me out. In fact, it’s happened so many times that I’ve found myself engaging in some not-so-charitable thoughts and actions towards some of my family members. Woops. Need to work on that.
Elizabeth@SuperSwellTimes recently posted…On Re-Calibrating My Boundaries
Yeah I’m guessing it’s something everyone deals with at one point or another and is harder when you live far away from people. Facebook and social media makes it worse sometimes I think. Glad I’m not alone 🙂
BethAnne recently posted…NAS: FREEBIE!!