Hello Not Alone Series friends! I am very late to this weeks topic but better late than never! It’s been awhile and today we are talking about DTR or Determining the Relationship.
Defining the relationship can be a tricky thing, but it doesn’t have to be hard. What are some of your preferred “do’s” and “don’ts” with DTR’s? What should you ask to see where the relationship is going? When do you ask (3rd, 5th, 10th date)? How do you respond when you get an answer that you were hoping to avoid? How do you reassess your dealbreakers and desired qualities? Do you re-consider your “nice-to-have’s” on your “list” of qualities you want in a guy? What else should we know for DTR’s? We all want to be well-equipped for dating this year. 😉
The term DTR or Determining the Relationship feels so middle school or high school. The only time I’d ever hear about it is back then or when other people would hound a couple about “what they were” and then after much hounding they’d give in and finally say, “Yes we are boyfriend and girlfriend.”
I have only had to DTR a few times in my life that I remember. The first time after talking to a man I met in real life once for a weekend and had been talking to online for a few months. After our first meeting I asked him what we were and all he would admit to is “Really Really Good Friends.” Maybe that was my first sign the relationship wasn’t going anywhere. He was supposed to visit me again and had car trouble. Then after a few choice words and angry emails he told me that his car breaking down was a “sign from God that we should no longer date and he hopes I have a great life….but he would be praying for me.” *Insert Major Eyeroll* He later sent an email that said some very mean things in it. After reading something I posted in the forum which really had nothing to do with him.
The second time I had to DTR was with my current boyfriend. After we had been dating for about 4-6 weeks, seeing each other several times over each weekend, texting daily, and face timing or calling when we couldn’t see each other. I finally asked him where was this going and did we want to officially be “boyfriend and girlfriend” and make it Facebook Official because apparently we are 20. HA. He said he did if I wanted to so we did. It was cute. We got many compliments from friends and family and have been happily dating ever since.
Sometimes we put too much pressure on dating. I’m sure I’ve scared many guys away. But obviously we weren’t right for each other or it wasn’t the right time. At the beginning of 2015 I was tired of the pressure and playing games and decided I was just going to date like I didn’t care. I had several dates. Dated several interesting people. I even had a date on Valentine’s Day for the first time ever which was nice. It didn’t work out with many of them but that was okay because I learned a lot about myself and other people at the same time.
When it comes to DTR the best advice I can give is to take your time. Learn about each other. And don’t put too much pressure on each other to get too serious too fast. Just let nature take it’s course and the conversation will come naturally as the relationship progresses.
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Hey, we keep the link-up open for at least a week precisely so you *can* be “late”! I agree with your point about patience. It’s hard to find the right balance between rushing into labels and prolonging a discussion you need to have. One nice thing is that, if he wants to go for the romance and you wait until *he* DTRs, you know he’s in it to win it. 😉